Just a week or so ago, I read former corporate lawyer turned writer Susan Cain’s book discussing the concept of introversion in a western society – an interesting and compelling read for anyone with a hint of introversion in their character which they may have felt the need to subdue at times to meet expectations to be more extroverted.
Cain teaches many important lessons, that overall have one clear message: there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. This was particularly heartwarming to hear, as the societal pressure to be outgoing can sometimes make us feel unnecessarily insecure about our identities in a way that isn’t very healthy. Below, are the 8 lessons I learnt from her novel:
- The world doesn’t cater to you as much as your fellow extroverts, but you can still make a mark
Cain prompts us to come to terms with the fact that our society caters to extroverts, and discover that this is the likely source for our discontentment with our introverted qualities. She describes how we as a society are living in a value system where the ideal self is an extrovert – gregarious, alpha and comfortable in the spotlight. Someone who prefers action to contemplation, who works well in teams and socialises in groups. We admire the person, who is comfortable “putting themselves out there”, more so than the ‘thinker’. This ‘extroverted ideal’ is so ingrained in our culture that in daily life, you might feel a sense of guilt when you decline social invitations to read at home, or eat alone in a public area.
Cain dubs the era we live in, as one which panders to a culture of personality’ – a shift from the culture of character. In a culture of character the ideal self is serious, disciplined and honourable. What counted was not so much the impression made in public but how one behaved in private. On the other hand, a culture of personality focuses more on how people perceived them, how to captivate, be bold and entertain others, the social role demanded was that of the performer. Social media has definitely spurned this trend as well!
- You need space and time to recharge away from others.
As an introvert, Cain reminds us that we re energise by being alone. This is very different from extroverts, who need to recharge when they don’t socialise enough. Many introvert are also ‘highly sensitive’, an actual term in psychology. You may identify with this quality if you are more moved by a musical piece such as Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonta” as Susan describes, have a strong sense of conscience or feel nervous under evaluation.
It follows that it is especially important for introverts to find their ‘restorative niche’, a place to go when you want to return to your true self; it can be a physically place or a temporal one, for example if you’re at work, a cubicle where you can take a break between presentations or meetings. Carving out this niche can mean cancelling your social plans on a weekend before a big meeting at work, practicing yoga/meditation or choosing email over an in person meeting. Failing to have a restorative niche, Cain warns, is likely to result in the rapid depletion of your health and energy.
- Introvert can make good leaders in the workplace
Susan’s research finds that introverted leaders perform particularly well with proactive employees, as they are uniquely good at leading initiative takers through their inclination to listen to others and lack of interest in dominating social situations. Therefore, they are likely to hear and implement suggestions, creating a virtuous circle of productivity.
- Introverts have great potential to be more creative than their extroverted counterparts
Great creativity comes from working alone. Steve Wozniak said that you’re going to be able to design revolutionary products and features if you’re working no your own. Not as a team. More creative people tended to be somewhat introverted, interpersonally skilled but not particularly sociable, and more independent and individualistic.
A major reason more creative people are introverts, could be that introverts prefer to work alone, and solitude is often a catalyst for innovation. Research shows that college students who tend to study alone learn more over time than those who work in groups. This is because when you are alone, you are free from distractions and can engage in deep focus, accomplish more challenging tasks. Teens who are very outgoing and spend little time alone often fail to cultivate their talents because practicing an instrument, programming or writing requires a solitude they dread.
- Being an introvert doesn’t mean you have to stick to your temperaments – stepping outside of your comfort zone is still necessary at times
If in your life or career there is something which matters strongly to you, sometimes you have to do things that scare you to fulfil your goal. Such as public speaking. While this may often be more difficult for introverts, Susan teaches us that this is doable through proper preparation, training and the courage to follow your convictions. Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of things they value ie people they love or work they care about.
Sometimes you have to do things that are ‘out of character’ for you, to meet your goals. For example, you could strike a deal with yourself that you’ll attend a set no, of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off.
- Your cultural background could determine whether you’re an introvert or extrovert
Eastern cultures are more likely to have an ‘introverted ideal’, Susan points out. Parents schooled a generation ago in Asian countries were taught a quiet style, classrooms emphasised listening, writing, reading & memorisation. Talking is simply not a focus, and even discouraged. How Asian-Americans or Asian-Australians should behave in a western classroom is a topic of great controversy, some say the educational system of western cultures can learn a lot from the sound of silence. Asians view class participation as ‘talking nonsense’, while westerns call this ‘class participation’. Similarly many asians show esteem by minimising conflict, but for extroverts conflict or disgreement is not likely viewed as a sign of disrespect but as a signal that the opposing party is concerned and is passionately engaged in the task.
All these cultural differences boil down to the fact that asians live in more team orientated societies, often subordinating their own desires to the interests of the group, which may be why quiet, humility and sensitivity are prized as they foster group cohesion.
However, for asian Americans, failing to fit into the more extroverted ideal may create more than just social unease – it could have effects on their pay check in western societies.
- Soft power
One insight I found very interesting was a quote from a professor teaching asians ‘extroversion’, which stated that you can be the smartest, most capable person but if you can’t express yourself aside from showing your work, you’ll be under appreciated. Many foreign born professionals experience this; you become viewed as glorified labourer not a leader.
For these professional to be themselves whilst achieving workplace success, it is important to master ‘soft power’. This means rallying people to their cause through conviction rather than dynamism. Your communication skills have to be sufficient of course, to convey the message, but if an idea is good, people shift, if you are passionate about it, you will attract people who want to share your cause. Soft power is quiet persistence. Exercising this will help you build up a team.
To be quietly persistent means focusing on an ultimate goal, refusing to divert energy to unnecessary skirmishes along the way (like what Marcus Aurelius said in his novel.
So there you have it! A really long post but clearly I had a lot to learn from this novel.
IN TRANSIT; 